I don't know if this post will make it through before the site is closed, or if you'll even see it before the site is taken down indefinitely. I was just made aware of your posts by a friend an hour ago or so. I am sorry I didn't see them earlier.
You're right in guessing that my absence has to do with anxiety, though mostly not directed at you. A couple months ago I got a message from a friend of a friend saying that our friend was feeling suicidal. He asked me to help. I said that I would. But then... I felt anxious, and it was midterm time, so I was busy all the time, and... then a week had passed. I'm sure he is okay, but... I was way too late, and there's no way I can be happy with myself for how I acted. So I panicked, and I haven't been back since.
I'm terrible, I know.
Add to that all of my usual anxieties about abandoning you (again) and my other friends here (also again), and... yeah, I've just tried to avoid the site altogether. It's not good, I know. I know that I should've said something, I should've sent someone a message. But I suck at everything. >.<
These days I'm only active on like... the Paradox forums, Tumblr, and that's about it. I am not very good at all of this internet stuff, apparently. I'm sorry. I really wish that I could be a better friend for you... ugh. >.<
My life's busier now than ever before, so I can't make any promises about when or where I might resurface. But I do want you to know that I haven't moved on or forgotten about you, for what it's worth. I'm not a very good friend, but I do care... for what it's worth.
I don't know if that means anything, or if it ought to mean anything, but there it is.
I hope we can speak again sometime soon, friend.